When someone has experienced a crime, it is completely normal for them to feel a mix of emotions. They might feel:
- shocked
- frightened
- angry
- confused
- nothing at all
They might cycle between emotions or struggle to put into words or understand how they are feeling. Everyone reacts differently.
If you are a friend, family member, guardian, or the child of someone who has been you might also find yourself feeling upset, angry, or unsure of what to do. This can be especially difficult if you have been a victim of crime in the past, or if you witnessed what happened to them. It is a complex situation, but you can play a crucial role in helping them feel more normal again. Your presence and patience can make a meaningful difference.
The most important thing to remember is that what happened was not their fault – and it is not your fault either.
The best support you can offer is to be calm, gentle, and willing to listen. Let them share what they want to share at their own pace.
What to do if the person you care about is struggling
If you think the person you care about is in immediate danger, you should call 999.
You can also call Samaritans at 116 123.
Taking care of someone who has been a victim of crime can be a big commitment, so it is important to look after yourself as well. Make sure you take breaks. If everything feels too much, it is important that you reach out for support as well.
Guidance for supporting your loved one
Below you can find more specific support, depending on who you are.
I am an adult looking for guidance for supporting someone else
When someone you care about has been through a crime, it can be hard to know what to do or say. These simple guidelines can help you offer calm, safe support.
For many victims of crime, just knowing that you are there for them and are ready to listen is the most important thing – you do not have to get it perfectly right or fix everything.
You should:
- listen without judgement
- stay calm, even if you feel upset on their behalf
- focus on their feelings and needs
- remind them that what happened was not their fault
- ask what they need, and suggest some simple ways you can support
- give them time
- look after yourself
If you are supporting a victim of crime, you might want to know some things you should avoid doing as well. However, remember that nobody will expect you to know or do everything right – in many cases, it will be your first time supporting someone who has experienced crime too.
You should avoid:
- pushing them to talk
- minimising their feelings
- making decisions for them
- blaming yourself
- promising things you can not control
I am supporting a child
In some cases, children can respond to crime quite differently to how adults might expect them to. They might not have the words to explain how they feel, or they could show their distress through behaviour rather than speech.
Because of this, it can be a difficult and sensitive process to support them, whether you are a parent, guardian, or someone else. We can help point you in the right direction for age-appropriate services and resources.
In terms of what you can do, bear in mind every child will respond to different things. You might want to prioritise:
- staying as calm and neutral as you can
- making sure they know you believe them
- reassuring them that they are not to blame, as children often assume that they have caused the situation
- letting them know they can talk to you at any time, and give choices that restore their agency such as a choice between two locations, or different methods of communication such as writing or drawing
- keeping routines as steady as possible, as consistency can help them feel safe
- responding with patience, not punishment, where possible if behaviour changes
- acknowledging fears rather than dismissing them, and figuring scary things out together
- explaining what will happen in clear, age-appropriate language if they have to talk to police or other professionals
- reaching out to services if you feel they need extra help
Supporting a child can bring up your own emotions. You might feel fearful, guilty, angry or sad. Do not be afraid to reach out for support for you as well. Some small things you can do if you are feeling overwhelmed could be:
- taking a moment to breath or ground yourself
- model healthy coping mechanisms. For example, saying aloud “I’m feeling stressed right now, so I’m taking a deep breath”
- reaching out to your own support system, family, or circle of friends if possible
I am a young person looking for guidance for supporting someone else
If you are a young person looking for help to support someone you care about, like a friend at school or a sibling, you might not know where to start.
It is really important to remember that you do not need to fix what happened.
The person you care about should be able to talk to people through our support services who can help them with things like going to court and accessing mental health support.
But if you still want to help them feel better, you can be kind, patient and listen to them if they want to talk. Checking in on them can mean a lot. If you are not sure what to say to them, you can try simple things like:
- “I’m here for you”
- “I’m listening if you do want to talk”
- “is there anything you need right now?”
Even if they do not want to talk, having someone to hang out or play with might help them to feel more like their old self again.
You should also remember: you deserve support too. This is true whether you experienced the crime or not. If you ever feel overwhelmed, talking to a trusted adult, teacher or support service can help.
I am looking for support services in my area to recommend to someone else
Local support services can be a really good option for victims of crime or witnesses. They may offer in-person, group or online sessions, provide resources or have connections with other services.
If you would like to explore what services are available in your area, you can find this on our support services page.
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